Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Love Wins.

I have not written anything for a while. And there is no other good reason, than having writers block. And feeling quite overwhelmed with all things "life".

My husband knew this. We have had a rough time as of late dealing with said hard "life" stuff. And I casually mentioned to him last week. Like on Wednesday night of last week.. "I'd really like to go meet Glennon. On Tuesday. In Atlanta."

To which he said "Who?"

And I said "Oh you know, the lady who writes, and blogs, and played a huge part in our lives last year, when a bunch of "her Monkee's" decided to bless our socks off?"

He remembered. And maybe it was that I texted this link to him multiple times told him to read this post. On Wednesday of last week. And then when I asked him if he read it, and he said he hadn't I told him. "Husband, while I put our many children to sleep, you read it. And I will make you a cookie. or a dozen." So he read it.

 And maybe it's because I was really challenged by it too. And I was working on loving him better. Interesting how that works. When we love them better, they love us better. Hmm. 

Whatever it was. I thank God for my man and hallmark.
On Thursday morning, I was taking our son Elliott to yet another Doctors appointment. But this appointment had my nerves on edge. A Pulmonologist. A doctor who treats kids who can't breathe. And last time I checked, breathing, is very important. And I was scared. And anxious. And running late. And husband called to tell me he put something in the glove box for me. And I thanked him quickly as I hung up and fought through traffic. I pulled into the parking garage, Put Elliott in his chair, REMEMBERED the paperwork I filled out the day before. Huge people. HUGE. And forgot to check the glove box. 

We went to said appointment, me navigating a big scary hospital, with a child in an adapted stroller. Had x-rays. Waited two hours. Got unexpected news, that more tests are needed. (Link to information) And held it together until I got back to our van.

Then I remembered to check the glove box. To my surprise, a very sweet card awaited me, with a handwritten note that said "Go see Glennon, I've already asked for the day off." And more mushy stuff you don't want to know about. So, I am really glad I did not open it before I went into the doctor. As I drove home maskara burned my eyes. And I heave cried and it was ugly. It's okay. 

Just the whole "schlepping" your beloved baby into a childrens hospital for the millionth time, but always feels like the first, from navigating a parking lot, to finding your way to the specialists office, to waiting for two hours and freezing your buns off, to getting news you were not prepared for, THAT ALONE makes me cry.
Every. Single. Time.

But then to be blessed with a man, who has had his heart radically changed, who can admit when he is wrong, and make it right. And loves me and my messy, emotional, irrational, blog stalking self, to bless me with a day, a WHOLE DAY to myself. To meet GLENNON. I was a mess.

So, Monday night I tried on a million outfits, and went to bed early. Only to be woken up all night long by my sweet boy Elliott who could not breathe and was in pain. And I realized then "Hmm. This is not going like I planned. Prepare Bethany. Tomorrow may not be your best day. Just embrace the best moments."

There were amazing moments yesterday. And not so much amazing moments. I wish I could say I said something profound to Glennon when I met her. What did I say? Well. I took Clara girl with me. I love to be with her. Really I do. And she begged me to braid her hair. And I never do. So, for the first time. Ever. I did a braid like a headband over her head. She loved it. And I laughed thinking "Oh goodness, maybe I should do this more often".

So I get to Glennon and I am holding Clara's hand and I say something like 
"I swear, this is the first time I have ever braided her hair like this, and I did not feed her an avocado, but rather, a lunchable in the car on the way here." 

Okay, so if that does not make sense. Read this.

Just driving to Atlanta by myself was me being brave. I showed up to her book signing, a stressed sweaty mess after navigating Atlanta traffic with a broken GPS. Thank goodness husband at home stayed on the phone with me and gave me turn by turn directions. All the while I swore the van was being weird and was convinced it was going to break down at any moment. Come to find out, the van was not shaking, it was me. Van would have been cheaper to fix.

Glennon spoke, and I took it all in, Sitting RIGHT BEHIND her husband and daughter and SISTER! Crazy.
Then they opened it up to questions. I wanted to be brave. I really did. But, my butt stayed planted. I was hot. And emotional. Okay, REALLY emotional. And my story is long. And messy. And what the MANY monkee's have done for my would have taken forever. 

And I reminded myself of this:

I did those three things. And. Today, I am resting. And Guess what?! I can try again! Thank Goodness! And to confirm my great parenting skills. Kids just woke up, and I begged them to stop whining for five minutes gave them permission to eat chocolate chip cookies and Pringles. I am resting. Tomorrow I will make an amazing breakfast. No wait, who am I kidding, tomorrow they go to the dentist. Bananas will be breakfast tomorrow. Or maybe I will feed them an avocado for lunch. Balance people. It's all about balance. And that is what I appreciate most about Glennon. While we may not be exactly alike, no one is. And that is OKAY! We can still be friends, we can choose to love each other. We can Be Brave and Kind. Because LOVE WINS! Every time!