I have read Angie Smith's blog for a long time. I was pregnant with our youngest, when she was pregnant with her precious Audrey. God has used her writing in so many powerful ways in my life. Her newest book "Mending" will be available to purchase here and here . I could so relate to her post on Mending. It was as if she was talking directly to me. To celebrate her new book, I decided to participate writing my own story of mending.
The last two years. It's been two years.
At times I can't believe we have endured all we that we have. So much loss, heart-ache, struggles and pain. I had been doing okay, staying strong, though many times I've been weary. I pushed on.
Until three days ago.
I realized one afternoon while cleaning what little we have in our new house, that I was doing it again.
Putting my trust, security and faith, in what I had.
You would think I'd had learned all that by now. I mean, it's been TWO years of this.
God has been stripping my securities away.
Family, Friends, a Home, a Church, a Steady Income, our Safety (1 robbery,and 1 attempted on Friday night, two different houses).
And the last straw, my Child's Health.
I broke down, laying in bed next to my baby boy, I sobbed.
All the emotions of the last two years let out as I was gasping for air.
The emotions have come on in waves before, but I always whipped out my "life boat" made of whatever I could piece together that wasn't a mess.
On Saturday, I had nothing. And I was being hit by a tidal wave.
I sent out a "SOS" to my dearest friend. Or better, a "PFM"...(PRAY FOR ME!)
I was falling apart, my pathetic life boat with the little white flag hung high was falling apart.
In that moment, I was all out.
In that moment, I felt God tell me.
"I've brought you out to this point in the sea for a purpose".
My response back?
"Let me see it, I want to see that beautiful land again, with pristine beaches, where my babies are playing, and no one is sick, and I don't have fear of a tidal wave, where only peace washes ashore and we bask in the Glory of it all."
"You can't get there, until I take you through this".
Peace washed back over me. And I realized in that moment, that I have these moments, in this storm.
Where time feels like it's standing still.
To Pause, to Praise, to Pray.
To Choose to be at Peace.
And if God has brought me to this place, to find that my heart is the only thing I can control.
Than I am thankful.
He is mending me, bringing me to a place of realization that my only hope, is in Him.
Then, as only He does. He led me to this....
This Hour, can be the Magic Hour. I can be present in this storm, basking in all that God is.
Into the peace of these wild things,
Into the wild of this grace,
Into the grace of this blessing,
Speak in the peace of this place
If I fall into the Sea, He promises to rescue me.
So when these waves of emotion fall over me, he is teaching me to call out to Him.
He can walk on water, reach down, and lift me up.
But, the Key, is to Call out to Him.
He will rescue his Child that has fallen over board.
Thankful His boat, is the boat Of Life.
And Of Mending.